the background on di telly

So I'm training this guy.. named Shariq Hussain.

Now.. I was open-minded, sorta, about letting this guy join the staff.

Not anymore.
*in vehicle*
SH: So what are you?
Me: I'm Polish.
SH: Oh... Polish women are very very nice. One time I fook Polish woman frum Ten in nite to 6 in morning.


okey... so.. I told my boss, either its him or me. Then when he started making comments about a specific person.. i really just wanted my head blown off.

Few things that I want to do before I turn twenty:

Watch the entire Godfather.
Finish reading 'A Brief History of Time'
Have sex
Run 5 consecutive miles
Laugh at my mistakes
Build something. Anything.
Have a meaningful relationship

As of Jan. 20th, I haven't gotten drunk. I've had a few, but haven't gotten drunk. I'm just testing myself now.

This has to stop. Soon. I don't want to, you don't want to.. but come on. We're only hurting ourselves.

It's NOT okay that you met me at the gas station and drive by my house and ask my dad if i'm home when he's outside. And its NOT okay to send me cards and letters in the mail now that you know where I live.

God bless. Miss you all. Assim Maleekam (sp?)

Prom is month away.. again. Still not 100% on what to wear.

Thank god for less work.

I have this feeling as if I can burst into tears at ANY second.
I also feel that if I had the chance, I could get shitfaced drunk (or any other way) any second either.

The second feeling isn't anything new, usually get like that when things are getting stressful. However, the first, I don't believe I've had before.

I don't want to mess things up, I've been doing somewhat well, so I guess if I hang around good company I won't be tempted to do bad things. And remember, when alone, I am in bad company.

Cannot wait for this weekend. THREE FULL DAYS OFF?! WHAT?!

Well Friday noon I am leaving for Brooklyn, Saturday, if all goes well, I should be enlisted in the Army as an intelligence analyst. And Sunday, PART TEE.

And as of four o clock yesterday, 01/08/08... I have not had a cigarette. I think I'm done.

I think it's safe to say that I'm a trainwreck.

Just poor, poor choices.

Shelves are fuckin great. Until they collapse on you.

Now my room is a disaster area and I'm pretty sure my dad will be declaring a state of emergency soon.

Fortunately I found some really old shit. Marilyn Manson cd. Anna Kournikova pictures. Goodfellas poster.

Unfortunately, I lost my vocab book in the midst of it all and... where is Mishu?!

Chichen Itza. Weird shit gets stuck in my head and I repeat it like it's my job.

Where's the nearest park? How much is that car? Chichen Itza!

Sometimes I do things without asking. And I get in trouble. Maybe it's because I'm tired of getting shot down. "Maybe I'll go shovel." "What are you fucking crazy? Go out there and shovel."

I hope there just concidences or some shit, but everybody's going back to 'there old selves'. Anna's dead, Robbie's back in rehab. These are almost like little hints and temptations, cause right when I feel down they're kinda like here.

English stinks, I'm not sure there's another way to put it. And I'm honestly thinking that I'm growing dumber each year. I think my "prime" was like sophomore year? When I actually gave a shat.

Self fulfilling prophecy is god damn true. Damn its true and it should help me knowing that, but fuck if it does.

I'm not sure why black women respect Anna Nicole more than white women, but it's true. It's a fact.

The Departed came out today. FUCKYES! It's gonna be my 6th smokeless day! FUCKYES! Have a psychiatrist appt. Thursday! FUCKYES! I have a cold that enjoys living in my body. FUCKNO!